Tully Considers Hard Work

A friend of mine spent shittons of her time studying for an exam. Ended up getting a negative grade. She's quite smart too, which just led to me letting out a "Huh?!" when I heard about it.

Meanwhile, I studied jack shit for it and I'm probably going to get a similar grade, if not better, because I'm lucky like that. Now, you might be thinking: "Well, that's incredibly self-centered of you to say that".

It is. I am well aware of that. I am also aware that it still holds true. It has, and always will.

I am a smart person. Some might say a brilliant person. However, I do lack drive to do most things (I blame my education as well as myself), which results in me ending up not doing a lot of stuff I really should. You know, like studying.

Take my Intelligence and Personality tests (actual university course tests, not some random internet pop-up). Studied quite literally the day before the first one, scored 17,5/20. Studied THREE days before the second one (and the third one was just me glazing over the PowerPoints), scored 18/20. Not only do I not have to go do the actual exam, my final grade's ending up a rounded up 18.

Did I deserve it? I believe so. Did I work hard for it? Fuck no.

Can you see the issue?

Being a person who truly believes in the fruit of good ol' labor, seeing these results quite literally just pop up out of nowhere is unsettling. I've been dealing with it my whole academic career, really. Hell, I didn't study a day in my 3 years of high school and my final average was 18,1/20. I am not Ozymandias. I am not so über-smart that I can pull this shit. However, seeing as I don't really believe in the concept of luck, it really boils down to skill and personal capabilities.

Does this mean I am more capable than other people? Yes. Yes it does. That perfect world you people want where everyone's the same and everyone can do what everyone else can?

It's not there. You can wake up now. Some of us will leave you in the dust, and others will leave US in the dust. There's always someone better, until you reach the very top, and those are usually savants or people with irregular brain structure.

So, how can I bring my world view and actual results together? I can't. I just have to learn to deal with the fact that sometimes, the world is unfair. Hell, most of the time the world is unfair, if you can even call it that.

The world isn't fair or unfair. The world is.